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Sunday, October 20, 2013

Break the Silence - A Survivor's Story

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I am a Survivor of Domestic Violence and this is my story...
Written By Danielle the Survivor

I left with my two young children (4 year old son and 4 month old daughter) from our abuser. I was with him since high school, for 9 years. We had our on and off periods, but stayed together for the last 5 years consecutively. The verbal and emotional abuse was ALWAYS there. But the physical started to show when I was just 8 months pregnant with our son. He slapped me. When our son was just over a year, he again got violent and treated me like a rag-doll.. in front of our son.. Common sense said to not fight back, play opossum so he would stop.. eventually he did. He was much larger than me. I was only 140lb at this time with him being around 300lb... Twice my size. There were a few other times that I was hit in the process that were claimed to be "accidents" but now I am not so sure... He was notorious for forcefully pushing his forward into mine, making me step backwards and yelling at me. It actually hurt. But their were other incidences that I cannot even remember.. one being in front of my parents where he pushed me into a wall... But the latest.. was just 3 weeks ago.. Started over nothing really. A bunch of BS. a pack of cigarettes. (for him, i quit smoking almost a year ago when i found out i was pregnant with my daughter who is 4 mo old now) After a loud verbal argument, he pushed me.. I pushed him back.. He grabbed me by my neck and pushed me to the wall. I got back up and he turned around as if to come back at me, and I went berserk. I started hitting him (but he was facing away from me) on the sides. Not hurting him.. I couldn't have. I have never been in a fight in my life.. I've never had to hit anyone.. I have always talked my way out of a situation. All I knew was I was upset BOTH of my children (my daughter being so young, and son witnessing so many times) watched this transpire and I was D.O.N.E. I called the police.. After I got off the phone with them and he found out they were coming he hit himself on the face, blacking his eye.. Blaming me.. He also stood over-top of my 4 year old son saying " Your Mommy is putting me in jail. You remember that. Mommy put me in jail." and then proceeded to call him " Mommy's little bastard " and "Mommy's little prick". The police arrived and separated us.. Each took our statements. He was arrested. They took pictures of a red mark/scratch on my neck. 

He post bail with the restrictions of No Contact or could return to our residence until after his court date Oct 1. (Which I moved out on Sept 30) and I have no idea what the result of his arraignment was. But I filed my EPO on Sept 25 (10 days after the incident..)

Many emotional roller coasters were ridden while he was in jail, and a lot of thinking was done.. I spoke with my mother who is also a survivor of domestic violence she has been my biggest support in all of this. I made the decision to leave and never look back. I do not regret it.. I instantly felt better. But the mental stress was still there and I had not realized it.. As I was moving out and smiling, I had a sore throat.. Within the next 24 hours I was extremely sick with an Upper Respiratory Infection and have developed Laryngitis. I have lost my voice.. Still no voice and struggling (Hard to live with 2 kids with no voice!) But I feel better.. About all the situation.. I have an EPO filed against him and have court on the 9th.. But I was just served yesterday with an EPO he filed against me.. FULL OF LIES!!!!! 

I was a Stay At Home Mom for the last 5 years. I am only 23 years old. I completed One Semester of College and have almost 5k in debt because of it. I do not have my license. I have 2 small children depending on me. It is very disheartening.. but I continue for my children. I continue on because I know there is more to Life than what I have been living. I continue on because of the feeling of inner peace I felt overcome me when I made my decision. 

I am a Survivor!

If you are in trouble and need help getting away from your abuser,
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

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